Discernment counseling in Washington & Oregon

Finally get help deciding what to do next in your relationship.

 

The two of you are stuck at a crossroads. One of you is leaning in, while the other is leaning out.

If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. And Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage.

Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help--and the other is "leaning in”—that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.

The counselor will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later.

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.

The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. No bad guys and good guys.

You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.

The counselor respects your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.

The counselor emphasizes the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

Number of Sessions: A maximum of 5 counseling sessions. The first session is usually 2 hours and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.

Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:

  • When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce

  • When one spouse is coercing the other to participate

  • When there is danger of domestic violence

Discernment Counseling Overview

Watch this 4.5 minute video to get more information about how discernment counseling might be a better fit for you than couples therapy.

 


The goal of Discernment Counseling is to help couples gain clarity and confidence about the direction of their marriage, based on a deeper understanding of what's happened to their marriage and each person's contributions to the problems.

Potential Outcomes of Discernment Counseling

 

In Discernment Counseling, the goal is to help couples choose between one of three paths: 

  • Path One: Maintaining the status quo; keep the relationship “as-is”

  • Path Two:  Separation or divorce 

  • Path Three: A six-month commitment to couples therapy during which time divorce off the table.

How is Discernment Counseling Different than Couples Therapy?

 

Session frequency and length

  • Discernment Counseling is time-limited, typically 1 to 5 sessions.

  • The initial session is 2 hours and follow up sessions, if needed, are 1.5 to 2 hours.

  • A decision is made each time about whether to meet again.

Session structure

  • Sessions are a combination of joint time and one-on-one conversations with each spouse.

  • After each individual conversation, the partner briefly shares what they took away from their one-on-one time.

It’s time for clarity.

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FAQs about discernment counseling

  • The short answer is no. There are some unique differences between married and non-married couples, but the discernment counseling process can be adapted for non-married couples who see/saw their relationship as lifelong, have children together, or are generally shocked at the idea of being on the brink of separation.

  • For a list of research about discernment counseling, visit here.

  • If you are curious, there is a free self-assessment you can take at this link here.

  • I’m excited about the opportunity to support you on your journey towards building a stronger, more connected relationship! We’ll start with a free 20 minute consultation so that we can meet and see how we connect.

    I truly believe the connection between therapist and clients makes all the difference in therapy, so if any of us decides we are not the best fit, I will be happy to provide you with referrals.

 

Discernment Counseling in Seattle, WA

Services also offered virtually throughout Washington & Oregon