Therapy for Self-Esteem in Seattle, WA & online throughout Washington & Oregon
It’s time to quiet that inner critic.
Stop the battle between who you “should be” and who you are.
Are low self-esteem and social anxiety getting in the way of living an authentic and connected life?
You tend to focus more on the one thing you did wrong than on all the things that went right.
You’re constantly trying to give others the benefit of the doubt, but you feel like no one gives it back to you—especially not yourself.
You walk on eggshells around others, and spend a lot of energy trying to please people who honestly don’t even treat you that well. You know it’s not healthy, but you don’t know how to stop.
It’s hard to set boundaries or say “no” to people when they need something, even when saying “yes” to everything is slowly killing you.
You can’t let go of relationships—even the ones that bring you more harm than good.
You may also struggle with…
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Overthinking
You lie in bed at night, replaying every conversation you had that day, looking for where you messed up, hurt someone’s feelings, or said something stupid. You think about going back and apologizing, but you don’t want to look weird. You ruminate on made-up scenarios of getting it right, hoping you’ll do better next time.
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People-pleasing
You move through life wearing a mask that says, “I’m fine. Everything’s fine.” You give and give and give, and when you have nothing left, you give some more. People love to use your generosity, but they don’t return it. If you say something, you worry you’ll upset them. If you set boundaries, you worry you’ll lose them.
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Feeling "Too Much"
People tell you to relax, to get over it, to stop making such a big fuss. Maybe you tell yourself the same things, but it never makes your feelings any easier to handle. You seek reassurance, but you worry that you’re doing it too much. What if you start to annoy people? Or maybe you believe it’s better to hide your anxiety—other people have it much worse, after all—but holding all that anxiety down is making you lonely, desperate, and sick.
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Feeling "Not Enough"
You’ve never felt like you’re enough—not for your family or your friends; not in your romantic relationships; not even in the workplace or at school. You’re a high-achiever, but compliments are hard to accept, and no amount of validation from others can quell the thoughts: “What’s wrong with me?” “What could I have done better?”
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Shame & Protectiveness
Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional family with emotionally immature parents (EIP). Or maybe you identify as an adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA). But from a young age, you’ve been so used to taking care of others that you don’t know how to let anyone take care of you. Your relationships with family are hard, and you feel deep shame about not being closer, not being a good enough child, sibling, etc.
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Loneliness
It looks effortless for others, but forming relationships with peers or romantic partners has always felt so hard for you. Maybe you’ve had close friend groups who have suddenly stopped talking to you, or relationships that have fallen apart without an explanation. Maybe it’s happened enough times that you can’t help but think, “I’m the common denominator; there must be something wrong with me.”
It might feel impossible right now, but you can feel confident in yourself.
You can be as kind, gentle, and generous to yourself as you are to others.
You can accept that you are enough.
And I can help you get there.
Therapy for self-esteem can help you…
Break patterns of negative self-talk
Discover self-compassion and learn to value yourself and treat yourself with kindness
Validate your own feelings and honor your needs
Quiet the anxiety and feel at peace in your body, even when things go wrong in relationships
Know on a cellular level that you are neither “too much” nor “not enough”—you are exactly who you’re supposed to be
Prioritize yourself without feeling selfish
Feel confident building new relationships and strengthening old ones without losing yourself in the process
Create the boundaries you need—and still keep the relationships that matter most
My Approach
My approach to therapy is focused on integrating what you “know” with what you “feel.” Many clients with low self-esteem “know” that they are worthy of love or would benefit from better boundaries—but knowing these things doesn’t create change on its own. If it did, you wouldn’t be here!
I help clients engage in deeper processing than traditional talk therapy can offer. With somatic approaches such as Brainspotting and EMDR, you’ll learn how to tap into your brain’s natural healing processes to stop the never-ending thought spirals telling you that you’re not enough.
My work with self-esteem and relationship/attachment issues will include helping you gain and maintain an authentic mind-body connection so you can feel more stable, secure, and able to trust yourself and rely on others again—or for the first time. We’ll spend time in therapy helping you understand the relationship between your past and how you feel today, to uncover what parts of your emotions and behavior patterns are really about the past and what parts are about the present. Through this work, you’ll learn to heal from your past, so you can respond to pain in the present day in a healthier and more effective way.
Approaches
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Brainspotting
“Where you look affects how you feel,” and we can harness this phenomenon and help you find deep, meaningful, long-lasting change.
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EMDR
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing can help make painful thoughts, feelings, and memories more bearable.
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IFS
Internal Family Systems helps you heal your relationship with yourself.
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Intensives
If weekly 50-minute therapy hasn’t yet helped you find peace, learn how 1-3 days of focused trauma therapy can change your life.
You don’t have to continue being your own worst enemy.
Book Now
Self-Esteem Therapy FAQs
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I use several approaches to work with self-esteem issues, but ultimately, I don’t believe you can really logic your way out of low self-esteem (i.e., with worksheets, journal prompts, etc.). Change has to come from inside. I believe the quickest and most effective way to get past beliefs like “I don’t deserve to be kind to myself” is through somatic and brain-based forms of therapy, such as Brainspotting and EMDR. With these approaches, you’ll be able to find the root of why you currently see yourself the way you do, and instill positive beliefs about yourself. And healing your relationship with yourself will open up a whole new world.
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Others may often tell you that you’re too hard on yourself. You may often feel an internal battle between what you want to do and should do, or what you won’t allow yourself to do until X happens (you lose that last 10lbs; someone else validates your feelings; there’s a guarantee that it will work out). You may live with a mean, noisy inner critic in your head. You may struggle to say “no,” set boundaries, or prioritize your own needs. If any of that sounds like you, then you likely can benefit from therapy that focuses on your self-esteem.
If you often find yourself in an internal battle with yourself, stuck between what you want to do and should do, or what you won’t allow yourself to do until X happens (you lose that last 10lbs, someone else validates your feelings), you likely can benefit greatly from therapy that is focused on your self-esteem.
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I’m excited to support you in creating a healthier relationship with yourself! We’ll start with a 20-minute consultation, so we can meet and see how we connect. I truly believe that the connection between therapist and clients makes the difference between a great experience and a mediocre one, so if either of us decides we’re not the best fit, I’m happy to provide you with referrals.