Ways to Practice Self-Care During the Holidays
TL;DR: The holidays can be emotionally intense, especially for people with trauma histories. Self-care during this season isn’t about doing more—it’s about supporting your nervous system. Setting boundaries, practicing mindful presence, choosing connection wisely, scheduling downtime, and seeking support can help you move through the holidays with more steadiness and less overwhelm. Trauma-informed therapies like EMDR and IFS, including therapy intensives, can help address the deeper patterns that make the holidays especially activating.
Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard
For many people, the holidays are portrayed as joyful and meaningful—but behind the scenes, they can be deeply stressful. Increased expectations, disrupted routines, family dynamics, financial pressure, and social obligations all converge at once. If you have a trauma history, your nervous system may already be working overtime, making it harder to tolerate change, stimulation, and emotional complexity.
You may notice that emotions feel closer to the surface during this time of year. Old memories, grief, resentment, or anxiety can show up unexpectedly. That doesn’t mean you’re “doing the holidays wrong.” It means your system is responding to a season that asks a lot—often more than it gives back.
From a trauma-informed perspective, self-care during the holidays is about regulation, not perfection. It’s about creating enough safety, choice, and rest to stay grounded—even when things feel chaotic.
Setting Boundaries as a Core Form of Self-Care
Boundaries are one of the most effective—and most challenging—forms of self-care for trauma survivors. Many people learned early on that maintaining connection meant minimizing their needs, staying agreeable, or tolerating discomfort. During the holidays, those patterns often resurface.
Healthy boundaries help reduce overwhelm and prevent emotional burnout. They allow you to participate in ways that feel sustainable rather than draining.
Holiday boundaries may include:
Time boundaries: such as limiting how long you stay at gatherings or spacing out visits
Emotional boundaries: including topics you choose not to discuss
Physical boundaries: like opting out of hugs or protecting personal space
Financial boundaries: such as simplifying gift-giving or setting spending limits
Boundaries don’t need to be dramatic or over-explained.
Simple statements like “I’ll be there for a few hours,” or “I’m not available for that conversation,” are often enough. If guilt arises afterward, that doesn’t mean the boundary was wrong—it usually means it was necessary.
Mindfulness and Presence (Without Forcing Calm)
Mindfulness during the holidays doesn’t mean staying peaceful at all times or pushing uncomfortable feelings away. Trauma-informed mindfulness is about noticing what’s happening without judging yourself for it.
Instead of trying to calm your body instantly, focus on orienting to the present moment. This might look like noticing your feet on the floor, the temperature of the room, or the sound of your breath. These small moments of awareness help your nervous system recognize that you’re here, now, and safe enough.
Helpful grounding practices include:
slow, intentional breathing
sensory awareness (sight, sound, touch)
brief body check-ins to notice tension or ease
Presence isn’t about fixing your emotions—it’s about staying connected to yourself while they move through.
Connecting with Others—Wisely
Connection is often emphasized during the holidays, but not all connection is regulating or nourishing. Trauma-informed self-care involves being intentional about who you spend time with and how much access they have to you.
You’re allowed to prioritize relationships that feel mutual, respectful, and emotionally safe.
That might mean spending more time with:
friends
chosen family
people who see you as you are now-not who you were expected to be
It can also mean limiting time with people who consistently drain you, even if they’re family. Connection that requires constant self-monitoring, emotional caretaking, or boundary negotiation often costs more than it gives.
Quality matters more than quantity.
Scheduling “Me Time” and Downtime
One of the biggest mistakes people make during the holidays is treating rest as optional. When routines are disrupted and demands increase, rest becomes even more essential—especially for trauma recovery.
Downtime helps regulate the nervous system, integrate emotional experiences, and prevent burnout. Without it, even positive interactions can feel overwhelming.
Rest doesn’t have to be elaborate. It might look like:
quiet mornings before social events
solo walks or movement that feels grounding
journaling or creative outlets
reading, listening to music, or simply doing nothing
Treat rest as a non-negotiable, not a reward you earn after surviving the holidays.
Seeking Support During the Holidays
Many people hesitate to ask for help during the holidays, believing they should be able to “handle it” on their own. But high-stress seasons often require extra support, not less.
Support can take many forms:
talking with a therapist
leaning on trusted friends
joining a support group
asking for practical help when needed
Needing support doesn’t mean you’re failing at self-care. It means you’re responding appropriately to a demanding season.
How EMDR Therapy Supports Holiday Self-Care
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) helps address the underlying trauma that often makes the holidays so activating. Many people have stored memories associated with past holidays—conflict, loss, criticism, or emotional neglect—that continue to trigger strong reactions in the present.
EMDR helps the brain reprocess these memories so they no longer carry the same emotional charge. Instead of reliving the past each holiday season, your nervous system can recognize that those experiences are over.
Through EMDR, clients often experience:
reduced emotional reactivity to family dynamics
less anticipatory anxiety leading up to events
increased ability to stay present rather than overwhelmed
greater choice in how they respond
This creates space for self-care that feels genuine rather than forced.
Learn more about EMDR therapy here.
How IFS Therapy Supports Holiday Self-Care
Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy focuses on understanding and caring for the different “parts” of you that show up during the holidays. You might notice parts that feel anxious, guilty, resentful, or responsible for keeping everyone happy.
Rather than judging these parts, IFS helps you understand their protective role. Many developed in childhood to help you survive emotionally complex environments.
During the holidays, IFS can help you:
recognize when people-pleasing or self-criticism is taking over
build compassion toward overwhelmed or tired parts
negotiate internal conflicts (rest vs. obligation, distance vs. connection)
respond from a grounded, self-led place rather than reactivity
This internal clarity makes external self-care choices feel more natural and less conflicted.
Learn more about IFS therapy here.
Why Therapy Intensives Can Be Especially Helpful
Therapy intensives offer extended, focused time to work through holiday-related stressors without the stop-and-start rhythm of weekly therapy. For many people, this format allows deeper processing and faster relief.
In an intensive, EMDR and IFS can be used together to:
process long-standing holiday triggers
reduce guilt and obligation stored in the body
strengthen boundaries and self-trust
develop personalized regulation tools
Intensives are especially helpful if you notice the same patterns repeating every holiday season or feel stuck despite trying different self-care strategies.
Takeaways
Trauma-informed self-care during the holidays isn’t about doing everything perfectly. It’s about choosing what genuinely supports you this year. That might look different from last year—and that’s okay.
Self-care may mean fewer gatherings, more rest, clearer boundaries, or additional support. The goal isn’t to eliminate discomfort entirely but to reduce unnecessary suffering and increase your sense of agency.
The holidays can be tender, complicated, and emotionally charged—especially for trauma survivors. You’re allowed to approach this season in a way that honors your capacity, not just tradition.
Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s how healing continues.
Looking for a trauma therapist in Seattle who can help you regulate your nervous system during the holiday season?
Take the first step toward self-care, confident boundaries, and meaningful support.
About the author
Amanda Buduris, Ph.D., Licensed Psychologist is a licensed therapist with over 10 years of experience supporting clients in Seattle, Washington. She specializes in trauma recovery, couples therapy, and attachment-focused work, and uses evidence-based approaches like EMDR, Brainspotting, IFS, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) to help clients heal from past trauma, improve relationship dynamics, and build emotional resilience. At PNW Psychological Wellness, she is committed to providing compassionate, expert care both in-person and online for clients across Washington, Oregon, and 42 other states through PSYPACT.
