Managing Triggers Together: Supporting Your Partner with Complex PTSD
When you’re in a relationship with someone who has complex PTSD (C-PTSD), it can feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Every word, every situation, every moment of conflict can feel like a trigger waiting to happen. It’s no surprise that triggers and flashbacks are common in C-PTSD and can significantly affect relationship dynamics. However, what’s often less discussed is how couples can navigate these challenging moments together, build safety and understanding, and heal as a team.
As a therapist specializing in trauma recovery, I’ve seen how deeply complex PTSD can affect relationships—especially when triggers and flashbacks disrupt connection. But here’s the good news: With the right strategies, you and your partner can build a stronger relationship, learn how to support each other through triggering moments, and create a safe space for healing. It’s not always easy, but it’s entirely possible.
In this post, we’ll explore the impact of triggers and flashbacks in relationships, what C-PTSD looks like, and how you can support your partner (and yourself) through these experiences. We’ll also discuss how therapy—specifically EMDR, Brainspotting, and couples therapy—can provide a foundation for healing.
What Is Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)?
Complex PTSD, also referred to as C-PTSD, is a mental health condition that results from prolonged exposure to trauma, often during childhood or in abusive relationships. Unlike PTSD, which may stem from a single traumatic event, C-PTSD is the result of repeated, long-term trauma—whether it’s emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, neglect, or other forms of relational harm.
Individuals with C-PTSD experience a range of symptoms that affect their emotional regulation, relationships, and overall sense of safety. The emotional and psychological wounds from repeated trauma don’t just disappear—they become embedded in the body and mind, influencing how someone interacts with the world.
For many people with C-PTSD, the primary challenge is emotional dysregulation.
This means that when they are triggered—whether by a situation or by a person—their emotional responses can become overwhelming, making it hard for them to think clearly, regulate their feelings, or communicate effectively.
The Symptoms of C-PTSD and How They Affect Relationships
The symptoms of C-PTSD are varied, but they all stem from emotional dysregulation, feeling unsafe, and dealing with unresolved trauma.
Here are some common symptoms that can impact relationships:
Hypervigilance: Constantly feeling on edge, anticipating danger or rejection, which can make it difficult to relax or feel safe, even in the presence of a trusted partner.
Flashbacks and Intrusive Memories: Flashbacks or intrusive memories from past trauma can leave someone feeling emotionally “stuck” in the past, unable to fully engage in the present moment with their partner.
Avoidance of Intimacy: Due to the overwhelming feelings of vulnerability, someone with C-PTSD may avoid emotional or physical intimacy as a way to protect themselves from the pain of potential rejection or further emotional harm.
Difficulty Trusting: Past betrayals can create a deep mistrust of others, including a partner. Even when the partner has done nothing wrong, the individual with C-PTSD might struggle to trust them fully.
Negative Self-Worth: Individuals with C-PTSD may struggle with feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, or shame, which can make it difficult to fully engage in healthy, open communication in relationships.
These symptoms can be isolating for both the person with C-PTSD and their partner. When left untreated, they can create a disconnect that strains the relationship.
How Triggers and Flashbacks Impact Relationships
When a partner experiences a trigger or flashback, it can have a profound effect on the relationship. For those who haven’t experienced trauma, it may be hard to understand why seemingly small things can cause such a strong emotional reaction. But for someone with C-PTSD, triggers often stem from past wounds and are often completely involuntary.
Here’s what a trigger or flashback might look like in a relationship:
Triggered by Conflict: A partner might lash out or withdraw during an argument, not because of what’s happening in the present, but because the conflict triggers past feelings of rejection or abandonment.
Flashbacks During Intimacy: Someone with C-PTSD may experience a flashback to a traumatic event during physical or emotional intimacy, feeling as though they are back in the trauma, even though they are with their safe partner in the present.
Overreacting to Small Things: A seemingly minor issue—like being late to dinner or forgetting a small detail—might trigger intense feelings of inadequacy, fear, or anger, which stem from deeper unresolved trauma.
Emotional Numbing: A partner may withdraw emotionally or appear distant, not because they don’t care, but because they are trying to avoid feeling the intense emotions that a triggering situation brings up.
These reactions can often feel confusing, frustrating, or hurtful to the other partner, especially if they don’t fully understand the role trauma plays. What can often happen is that one partner withdraws while the other might feel abandoned or misunderstood, which can create a cycle of emotional distance.
Types of C-PTSD Attachment Styles
C-PTSD doesn’t have one “size fits all” response.
It can manifest in different ways, depending on how trauma has shaped someone’s attachment style and emotional responses.
Here are some examples of C-PTSD attachment styles:
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized Attachment): These individuals want closeness but fear it at the same time. They might push their partner away when they get too close, only to pull them back once the emotional distance feels overwhelming. This push-pull dynamic is exhausting and confusing for both partners.
Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style involves emotional distancing. Someone with this style may withdraw emotionally or physically when they feel threatened, often internalizing their feelings and avoiding vulnerability or intimacy.
Anxious Attachment: Individuals with anxious attachment crave closeness and reassurance but fear abandonment. They may become overly clingy, seek constant validation, and be hypervigilant to signs of rejection, often interpreting minor issues as major threats to the relationship.
Stable Attachment: It’s important to note that not all individuals with C-PTSD have insecure attachment styles. Some individuals may be able to maintain more secure relationships, but even they can experience triggers that impact their emotional safety.
How EMDR, Brainspotting, and Couples Therapy Can Help
Managing triggers and flashbacks and healing C-PTSD within relationships requires professional support. Trauma therapy, including modalities like EMDR and Brainspotting, can help individuals work through the past pain that influences current behavior.
Brainspotting
Brainspotting is another powerful modality that targets the subcortical brain, where trauma responses are stored. It helps individuals process trauma more effectively by accessing stuck emotional memories. Through focused eye positions, Brainspotting enables clients to release trauma and rewire the brain to respond with more calm, clarity, and emotional resilience.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
EMDR is a trauma-focused therapy that helps individuals process traumatic memories. It uses bilateral stimulation (e.g., eye movements) to access deep brain regions where trauma is stored, allowing clients to reprocess and release emotional pain. This can reduce the emotional intensity of triggers and help individuals feel more grounded and present in their relationships.
Learn more about trauma therapy here.
The Role of Couples Therapy
Couples therapy, especially when trauma-informed, can be invaluable for partners navigating the effects of C-PTSD in their relationship. Therapy offers a safe space to understand each other’s attachment needs, develop secure emotional bonds, and learn healthy communication strategies. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is particularly effective in helping couples strengthen their emotional connection, build trust, and address past wounds that influence present behaviors.
Spoiler alert:
By integrating therapy, both individually and as a couple, healing can happen more effectively and create stronger, more secure relationships.
Learn more about Couples Therapy here.
Takeaways
Healing from C-PTSD, especially when it’s affecting your relationships, is a journey. It’s not about “fixing” yourself or your partner—it’s about understanding your patterns, processing past trauma, and cultivating deeper emotional safety and connection.
Breaking the cycle of withdrawal, emotional shutdown, and avoidance takes time, but it’s absolutely possible. The more you invest in healing—whether through individual therapy or couples therapy—the closer you will get to creating the safe, loving, and emotionally fulfilling relationships you deserve.
If you’re ready to begin this journey, I offer EMDR, Brainspotting, and couples therapy for individuals and couples in Oregon and Washington. Don’t wait—let’s start building the emotionally available relationships you deserve.
Looking to connect with a trauma therapist in Seattle who understands the impact of complex PTSD on relationships?
Start your journey toward healing, emotional resilience, and creating safer, more fulfilling connections.
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual Brainspotting sessions in Oregon and Washington. In-person services are available for therapy intensives only. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
