Starting a new relationship around Valentine's Day
In all of that #NewYearNewMe energy, you started getting on (or back on) the dating apps, and you’re surprised at how quickly and how well it went.
But now a specific anxiety is settling in…
Valentine’s Day is approaching.
Regardless of your history of celebrating Valentine’s Day or whether or not you even believe it’s a “holiday” to be celebrated, the U.S. culture (and capitalism) still highly value pushing out reminders of what you’re supposed to be doing/feeling with heart shaped candies and chocolates, giant teddy bears, and messages of love EVERYWHERE.
So maybe you’re feeling just a little nervous. Or maybe a lot anxious.
Starting this new relationship has be exciting, and you don’t want this Hallmark Holiday to make anything unnecessarily awkward.
As with any new or old relationship, it’s important you and your partner openly communicate your feelings and expectations.
Communicate openly: If you are planning on participating in festivities of the day, make sure to also plan an open and honest dialogue with your partner about what both of you hope to do or receive. Discuss expectations, preferences, and be sure to actively listen and ask questions.
Keep it low key: Especially as you’re just starting a new relationship, it would make sense that you want to do some grand gestures to impress your partner. However, it's best to not overdo it. Instead, focus on spending some quality time together without any pressures of what you’re “supposed” to do.
Be thoughtful: Just because you’re not booking an expensive dinner at a fancy restaurant or otherwise going all on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you don’t care. Consider small, thoughtful gifts like a handmade card or a home-cooked meal.
Be yourself: You might be tempted to seek the advice of friends and family members about what you should do to impress your new partner. Remember, being authentic and vulnerable are two of the most important pieces in the foundation of a new relationship.
Go slow: Again, just because it’s a day you might feel pressured to celebrate, remember that you (or your new partner) may not feel ready to yet. And that’s okay. Take your time getting to know one another and continue to let the relationship develop more naturally.
Have fun: If you do choose to celebrate the day, remember that at the end of the day, Valentine's Day is about celebrating love and connection. Whether you do something big or small, remember the most important thing is to focus on enjoying one another’s company.
Navigating Valentine's Day in a new relationship can definitely be challenging and confusing. By following the tips above, you can better focus on the connection you’re forming with your new partner, continuing learning more about them, and ultimately just have an enjoyable experience together.
If you’re still feeling stuck about how you actually want to plan for potentially awkward conversations or cope with your feelings about recently getting in a new relationship, this is a great topic to bring to therapy.
If you’re looking to start therapy but don’t know what questions to ask or what to look for in a therapist, read my other blog post here.
Looking to connect with a therapist who can support you in navigating new relationships and all of the emotions you’re experiencing?
(Oregon & Washington residents only)
About the author
Amanda Buduris is a licensed psychologist providing virtual therapy services in Oregon and Washington. She is trained in multiple modalities of trauma-focused healing to best support clients who are looking to feel better faster.
